Stephanie Nielson

If you have yet to see the Mormon Message about Stephanie and her family, please watch it, it's beautiful and amazing.

I watched this a few weeks ago when I wasn't feeling very well. Forest asked me to watch it, I think he knew it would help me feel better. Today has been a rough day, it's been a rough few weeks. I knew I needed to watch it again. I found Stephanie's blog and went all of the way back to before the accident. She has a beautiful life, the life that I have always wanted. Faith, a wonderful husband and adorable healthy children. Even with all of the advercities she has to face for the rest of her life, she is still a daughter of God and knows her true worth. I wish that everyone could have that attitude. I love hearing the stories she tells of her and her husband, Christian. He is just as amazing as she is.

So, as I have been feeling down and out for weeks now and with feeling stiff, tired, unmotivated and everything else I have been feeling, I have let so many things go. I just don't feel like I have the strength to move on and get things done. Even going home and making dinner has been a challenge most nights after getting home from work (where, usually, I feel the best all day, that's a blessing). Forest has stepped up and pinched in more than he ever has. After hearing about how much Christian has done to take care of Stephanie, I didn't even have to contemplate for one second if Forest would do the same thing for me, because I know he already has. When my body revolts against me, he is right there ready to take on anything that comes with it. I could never express how amazing my husband is, there just isn't an earthly possible way to do it. He has faced much adversity in his own life and sometimes I feel like I should be ashamed with the issues I bring to the table, but he is always there to guide and help me, no matter what.

I find I am the exact opposite of most people when it comes to prayer. I am always very quick to pray in thanks to our Heavenly Father, to let him know I appreciate all of the wonderful things he has given us. I still find it so amazing that we live in a great house, we both have jobs we love, we have never struggled with financial problems, even when Forest was unemployed during parts of the first few years of our marriage. I even thank him for the time we have to share as a couple. Because we don't have children, we have had so much time to bond and develop together. While it is sad we haven't received that blessing, we know that He is waiting for the right time for Him. We are so thankful for the blessings he gives us in return for all of this waiting. On the other hand though, I rarely pray when I am having a rough time. I feel like He doesn't need to be bothered with my problems, that no one needs to be bothered with them. I sometimes wonder why the help isn't coming and it's because I haven't asked! I am trying to be better about that...

Stephanie's attitude toward her appearance has really uplifted me. I know she is sad that her former self is gone, that she is this new person. Her spirit about it is amazing though. I have read so many hurtful comments about her being vain, but not once have I felt that about anything she has said. I could only imagine what it would be like to go from looking one way to looking completely different and then top it off with immense pain and troubles with mobility. I have struggled with appearance issues my entire life, being my weight, thinning hair, premature graying, having hair where I REALLY don't want it, my big feet, those types of things. All women struggle with their appearance and it's a constant struggle at that! As a teenager I thought I would never be thought of as "beautiful". Meeting Forest changed that, as he tells me on a regular basis how beautiful I am, even if I don't feel it myself. I have slowly learned to love some of those parts of me. I have to dye my hair, but it's a fun bonding experience for Forest and I (because he has to help me!) and I have an excuse to try new colors. I have finally found a hair cut that I love, but is easy to hide my thin spot (and I get SO many compliments about it, even though I've had it for 6 months now). I have finally found a skincare routine that minimizes the redness in my face and takes care of blemishes, because I can't believe I still have them at my age! I have felt different my entire life, but we are all different and beautiful and that unites us as women.

I doubt Stephanie will ever read this, I'm just one little spec floating around in cyber-space, but she really has me thinking about things I can do to change my life. I have many roadblocks in my way, but I can still try my best to get through them (or go around them!). I want to thank her for sharing her story, even if some days she just doesn't feel like it! Her blog is under my most visited now, I would encourage everyone to read it from time to time.

Insomnia

During certain times...of my life...I suffer from severe insomnia. It's not in any pattern and comes sporadically. Thankfully it's usually before my days off or on a day where I can get some extra sleep if I ever do fall asleep. I was tired all day today, so you would think I would have crashed hours ago. It's nearly 5 now. Getting pretty tired of this, no pun intended (or maybe it is...I can't think straight).

I am taking this time to work on my new photo album. I suggest looking over to the left of your screen and checking it out. 2009 was a good picture year. We had some pretty fun adventures and I even helped delivery my friend's baby. How many times will I get to do that in my life? I'm going to finish this up and then HOPEFULLY get to bed!

sprucing things up

We have had a very busy few weeks, getting things cleaned up and fixed up around here. I have a list of plans a mile long and I have no idea where to start. Forest keeps telling me "one at a time..." but I don't have any clue of which one to do first!

We have made great progress with our landscaping. We built a pathway from our gate to our deck, planted two square foot gardens and have a lovely flower bed along the house with great lighting for when we entertain outside. Our front yard needs a bit of work, we're going to lay out a new flower bed in the front. My pansies are still looking great from the winter, at least the ones that have survived the torrential downpours and hail storms. I think it's finally time to install gutters. I think we will end up doing them ourselves, unless anyone in DFW knows of a great company that can do them for us!

In other news, we celebrated our 5th anniversary last Friday. It's hard to believe that it's been 5 years already! We have had good times and sad, thankfully more good times than not. Forest surprised me with a gorgeous ring. My wedding ring is wonderful and I love it, but it's not practical for work. It also has an interlocking band, so I wasn't able to just wear the band either. I let him know what I wanted and we found one together. It's just perfect, like my dear husband :)

thoughts on friday...

Forest and I were finally able to make it to the Temple on Friday. It was such a fantastic experience for both of us. I think we were as prepared as anyone could ever be, thanks to our many friends and family members. We were so blessed to have Jennie and Dallas there for us to be our escorts. I walked in to the main part of the Temple and saw everyone dressed in white and I felt such a feeling of comfort and peace. After I finished getting ready and receiving instructions, Jennie and I were waiting for everyone else to join us. It was so calm and quiet, the spirit speaks so strongly there. Several of our friends walked into the room followed by my dear husband. It was simply amazing.

So much of me is glad that we waited and made sure that we were both more than ready to go. We are so excited to go back and it is such a blessing that the Dallas Temple is so close. We're eager for next month and glad that so many are going to be able to attend our Sealing. It will be so special!

down 4 sizes!

A few months ago I started losing weight out of the blue. Forest and I started eating better overall and I got a Wii Fit but I didn't think it was going to be this easy! I've always had a big problem losing weight in the past so I'm glad this is happening. Most of my clothes no longer fit me and to retain some of them I've been able to find snug undershirts to go under them. I really can't wear any of my old pants anymore, even with a belt! It's amazing to be able to go into the juniors section and find things that actually will fit me. I haven't been able to do that in a long time. I'm glad it's finally working, when it works it keeps me from giving up!

brr!

I am so cold! The longer I live in Texas the more wimpy I get when it finally gets cold around here. It's actually warmer in Detroit right now, so I guess I'm being pretty rational ;)

Next week is Halloween! Gracie is going to be a Pegasus. We put the costume on her last week and she was making these funny growling noises the whole time, like she thought she was some sort of evil monster. It was SO cute. I am going to have my Mom send me my prom dress and possibly go as a "guardian angel". I went as that for Halloween right after I graduated. The dress is pink, so at least I'll sort of match Gracie somehow. Here is my prom picture, purely for nostalgic purposes:

This was taken 12 days before my 18th birthday, I haven't changed much have I? At any rate, that dress has had many good uses. I wore it then, for Halloween, my sister wore it for Halloween and she wore it to my wedding. It cleans up very well and the cut is fantastic. I meant to take it home with me when we were in Michigan last but I forgot about it. It will be nice to finally have it back.

In two weeks Forest and I are going through the Temple for the first time. We are so excited! We got all of our clothing the other day. There were two dresses that I looked at, one was on sale and the other wasn't. As we are first time buyers, we were able to use a 50% discount. I tried on the one that was on sale and it was nice, but when I tried on the second dress, I knew I had to have it. It was twice as expensive (although I only paid 23 dollars for it anyway) but I just loved it so much that it was worth the extra cost.

When we are Sealed in December, we are going to have a full house! My parents are coming on the 21st and Forest's sister looks to be coming on the 26th. I am going to push the Sealing to Saturday as well, which may work out for some who wanted to come. It's going to be a busy few months!

trypophobia

When I was around 10, I remember standing outside at recess and noticing a tree. Around the tree were several small holes in the dirt. I was completely freaked out by this. I couldn't stop starting at it though, as uncomfortable as I felt. I grabbed a stick and poked the ground, messing up all of the holes. It was the only way that I felt better!

My Grandmother used to have lotus seed pods in several of her flower arrangements. They completely irked me, I felt like my skin was crawling whenever I saw them. I never really said anything because I thought it was so absurd. I wanted to crush those suckers into dust!

Anything that has many asymmetrical holes in a cluster makes me feel like this. I cannot stand honeycomb, even looking at videos of beehives. About a year ago we were watching Spongebob at the Dendy's and "The Suds" episode came on, where Spongebob gets sick and eventually plugs up all of his holes with corks. I thought I was going to die. The problem is though, the trigger for me is like a train wreck, as much as I want to look away, I have to STARE at it! I stare at it until I can't stand it anymore and I feel terribly uncomfortable. That episode came on the other day and before the corks came, I vacated the room. I am still mildly uncomfortable about Spongebob in general. It didn't dawn on me until that episode that he was full of holes! AH!

I avoid the flower arrangement sections during the fall, because I know that the lotus seed pods will be out in full force! The other day I got bored, so I was looking on snopes.com in the pictures section. One was of this "breast rash" in which someone had apparently had maggots growing in their breast. The thought of that didn't even phase me at all and I knew ahead of time that it was fake anyway. The picture was superimposed but the pattern of the rash was like a lotus seed pod. I had just seen something else that was *real* and actually much worse, but that *fake* picture sent me through the roof.

I thought for sure I was the only nut with this problem, no one else could be so trivial about something so silly. But, I'm not alone! It's called trypophobia and apparently several people suffer from it, some much worse than I do. I can usually get over the trigger in a few minutes and if any feeling is residual (I am still getting over that rash picture) I can still function even if I do feel a bit irked out. Out of all things to be afraid of, I'm afraid of small holes!

I'm sure not many people know this about me and talking about it seems easier now that I know there is a name for it and that I'm not the only one who suffers from it. I think it's probably one of the silliest phobias you can have and I'm glad I can laugh about it and get through it without too much trouble!

six things

I first picked this up from Meredith and saw that everyone else joined in. It's going around like the flu, now I have to do it! ;) I'm not sure I can think of six interesting things about me, but I'll try!

1. Human Calendar: Although I am not so great at it anymore, I used to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. I have 40 first cousins and my parents both have 5 brothers and sisters and I know most of their birthdays. Now I know everyone's birthday and anniversary in Forest's family (although three of them shouldn't count, his twin sisters share a birthday with my Mom, our niece shares a birthday with my Grandpa and his parents were married on my birthday!). I also remember pretty vividly details about family gatherings, what took place there, where it was, what day it was, things like that.

2. Radiology Major: When I left High School I had already finished college credits in Patient Care through a program called Allied Health. During my senior year, we were able to shadow nurses and doctors in 6 different areas of a clinic and get a feel for what type of profession we would want to go into. I fell in love with Radiology pretty much right away. I still wonder if my love for pictures had anything to do with that. I was set to start the Radiographer program in 2003 after spending two years finishing my prerequisite courses. In the summer of 2002 none of my classes were running, so I was working none stop. I met Forest in June and met him in person in August. I went back to school in September and only lasted a month. I had the worst case of mono I have ever seen. I was dead-in-my-bed sick for 6 weeks and was still feeling the affects of it for months after that. I had to drop out of school for the semester. Before the spring semester started, I decided to move to Texas to be closer to Forest. I never did go back to school because I knew we would be getting married and starting a family. My plans haven't panned out like I had hoped, but I'm glad I can be there for the Dendy's instead of taking care of irate patients!

3. My Nickname: My nickname is Jennibee or simply just Bee. It started when I was 9 years old, in 4th grade. I was a bee for Halloween and unfortunately we do not have pictures of this! Just a few months later, Blind Melon released "No Rain" which had a little bee girl in the video. My Mom and my sister, Crystal, started calling me Jennibee as a joke and it eventually just stuck. That was 15 years ago and they rarely call me Jenny. My dining room is also bee themed, as giving me bee related decor has become a norm in our family. I started collecting Boyd's Bears when I was 11 and they pair nicely with bees as well. When Forest and I were married, we were taking photos outside in front of the chapel. My friend Nicole was fixing my train and noticed that a bumblebee was trying to pollinate my dress! It was the biggest bumblebee I have ever seen and we figured that was a good omen that we were going to be a happy couple.

4. Ich spreche Deutsch: I learned how to speak German in high school and college. I am very rusty these days, as there aren't many german folks down in Texas. I could never speak it very fluently, but I can read it pretty well. It's a fun language to learn, even if it's not the nicest sounding one. I have quite a bit of German heritage, as does Forest (Grabert comes from Gräber, which means "Graves") so I married the right person to have a last name that fits my own heritage!

5. I'm a Nerd: I know that this doesn't sound interesting, but how many girl nerds are there? ;) I have pictures from high school to prove it. Actually, I consider myself a nerd because I know more than one should about particularly nerdy categories. I love science fiction (Star Wars is one of the greatest movies ever made!), I play intelligent video games in my spare time, I know HTML backwards and forwards, I know the first 20 of so digits of Pi by heart, I get excited when Forest buys new computer guts and I get to help him fix computer hardware. Forest and I go pretty perfectly together. My Dad is kind of a "nerdy" guy, but in a much cooler way than I am. He always told me that I needed to find a husband that could fix my computer because he wasn't going to be doing it for me for the rest of his life. He also told that to my sister. Forest and Rob (my brother in law) both work in IT and my Dad hasn't had to fix either of our computers in years.

This was taken at my 16th birthday party in 1999. From L to R: Amanda, Rachel, Dane, Me, Sarah is behind me, then my cousin Jessie, and my brother Keith. Notice I am wearing a Star Wars shirt. I also had braces and glasses (I wear contacts now). I was always proud to be whatever I was, I am proud to be a nerd, it gives me a little character!


6. Music: I don't like silence and I love music. So, whenever I'm home and not watching TV, my music is on. I sing and dance while ironing. The vacuum noise competes with Pink Floyd or the Beatles on a regular basis. My cell phone is used more as an MP3 player than a phone. I'm listening to music at this very moment (The Birthday Massacre - Movie, awesome song!). I'm not partial to any one type either, I love most kinds. I have a list a mile long of favorite bands. I'm a singing non-singer. I thankfully know I can't sing very well or I would be one of the people Simon makes fun of on American Idol. My music appreciation is attributed to my Dad who has excellent taste in music. Unfortunately for us, he would find something new, get hooked on it and play it until we threatened to use the CD as a Frisbee. I am glad I didn't inherit that trait! When I was visiting them this August, it was the new Meatloaf album. After 29 years of marriage, I think my Mom has learned to let that one go ;)

Hey, I didn't do half bad...I suppose even I am interesting ;)