trypophobia

When I was around 10, I remember standing outside at recess and noticing a tree. Around the tree were several small holes in the dirt. I was completely freaked out by this. I couldn't stop starting at it though, as uncomfortable as I felt. I grabbed a stick and poked the ground, messing up all of the holes. It was the only way that I felt better!

My Grandmother used to have lotus seed pods in several of her flower arrangements. They completely irked me, I felt like my skin was crawling whenever I saw them. I never really said anything because I thought it was so absurd. I wanted to crush those suckers into dust!

Anything that has many asymmetrical holes in a cluster makes me feel like this. I cannot stand honeycomb, even looking at videos of beehives. About a year ago we were watching Spongebob at the Dendy's and "The Suds" episode came on, where Spongebob gets sick and eventually plugs up all of his holes with corks. I thought I was going to die. The problem is though, the trigger for me is like a train wreck, as much as I want to look away, I have to STARE at it! I stare at it until I can't stand it anymore and I feel terribly uncomfortable. That episode came on the other day and before the corks came, I vacated the room. I am still mildly uncomfortable about Spongebob in general. It didn't dawn on me until that episode that he was full of holes! AH!

I avoid the flower arrangement sections during the fall, because I know that the lotus seed pods will be out in full force! The other day I got bored, so I was looking on snopes.com in the pictures section. One was of this "breast rash" in which someone had apparently had maggots growing in their breast. The thought of that didn't even phase me at all and I knew ahead of time that it was fake anyway. The picture was superimposed but the pattern of the rash was like a lotus seed pod. I had just seen something else that was *real* and actually much worse, but that *fake* picture sent me through the roof.

I thought for sure I was the only nut with this problem, no one else could be so trivial about something so silly. But, I'm not alone! It's called trypophobia and apparently several people suffer from it, some much worse than I do. I can usually get over the trigger in a few minutes and if any feeling is residual (I am still getting over that rash picture) I can still function even if I do feel a bit irked out. Out of all things to be afraid of, I'm afraid of small holes!

I'm sure not many people know this about me and talking about it seems easier now that I know there is a name for it and that I'm not the only one who suffers from it. I think it's probably one of the silliest phobias you can have and I'm glad I can laugh about it and get through it without too much trouble!

the 2 just doesn't work

I have discovered that the 2 on my keyboard does not work. I can use the 2 on the number pad, but that won't make the "at" symbol for e-mailing! The "D" also does not work part of the time. We have 5 other keyboards in this house, but this seems to be the one my husband likes best and insists on using. I do have my own computer, with the keyboard that I love, but it's in our spare bedroom. Our spare "oom" has no light fixture nor a ceiling fan, so it gets rather dark and hot in there. We bought a new ceiling fan for our bedroom so we are going to move the old one into that room and install the new one in our bedroom. Hopefully that will cool that room off! Then I can finally have a keyboard that won't malfunction.

It is very early in the morning, nearly 3 am. I am supposed to be up in 3 and a half hours to get Grace ready for school. I have had a really bad few weeks. My Uncle's passing has been very hard for me and my family. I have been an emotional wreck. Nearly two weeks ago I started feeling out of sorts. It was more than just my normal fibromyalgia outbursts because it was affecting my mood as well. The girls started school last week and I got up every day at 6:30. I did just fine, but I was coming home and sleeping until 1! I finally figured out what the problem was and after the week I have had I am almost certain that I had a miscarriage. Nearly the same thing happened 2 years ago, but this time the pain was more of a major concern than anything else. Friday night I couldn't do anything to feel better and I woke Forest up at 3 am. I was in tears it was so terrible. I was crying uncontrollably, I completely broke down mentally. It was an extremely strange feeling. I used to be prone to panic attacks and the last time I remember having one was in 2002, just before I met Forest. This was by far the worst one I've ever had. The pain stopped almost completely by Saturday morning, but I didn't end up working, I slept all day and on Sunday as well. I felt immensely better on Monday and have felt better everyday since. I am still taking naps after I get home in the morning but they aren't very long. I can't figure out why I'm not sleeping tonight. I have tried everything and nothing is working! I am notorious for not having a very good sleeping schedule and I know whacked out hormones aren't going to help that. I am hoping that next week I can really work on that and get all the sleep I need before I need to get up in the morning.

I really feel like I did miscarry, I can just feel it in my heart. I will probably never know if I really did or not and I would rather not know for sure. It's heartbreaking to lose something that special. I have wanted to have a child since the day we were married but I knew it was going to be a long, hard battle and I am fine with that. When the time is right, it will happen. For right now, I am glad that Jennie doesn't have to search for another care giver for Grace. I can't imagine finding someone I would approve to be good enough for her! ;)

graciezilla

I took this picture of Grace while we were at the Grapevine Mills Mall earlier this month. I was tired, so I sat down and she was getting a little restless. I pulled out my new phone (an LG EnV2) and was trying to amuse her with it. She was being cute and I went to snap a picture and got this instead:

I can't believe I captured such a fantastic Gracie moment in a split-second. She makes some of the best facial expressions. We, of course, had to call this picture "Graciezilla".

A few weeks later, I took this picture:

She is balancing so much better and I just want to scream "Gracie, stand up!" because I know if she really really tried she probably could. She was on her knees like that for a few minutes reading that book over and over again. She LOVES books, can't get enough of them. She also loves to destroy them because she loves to throw them, but we are working on that...

A few weeks ago Jennie decided to get bunnies for the girls and ordered them each a cage. She got them in the mail the other day and put one of them together. McKay thought it would be a great idea to stick Gracie in one of them. Thus, Graciezilla was captured!

She seems very happy to be sitting in a cage but the best part is that "Graciezilla" is missing her front teeth (both top and bottom!). She can still pull your hair at lightening fast speeds though, so watch out ;)

Grace started full-time school this year. It's hard to believe she is going to be 6 in just a few weeks. She has grown so much this summer and has surprised us with a few tricks up her sleeve. She is "talking" up a storm, making new noises and even calling her Dad by name. We are still working on Mama...

We've had a nice summer and now we are all looking forward to things cooling down and for fall to come again. Too bad we live and Texas, the temperature might not fall for a while...

a lot to feel

My Uncle Richard (my Dad's second oldest brother) was diagnosed with throat cancer in April 2005. He spent three years battling this relentless disease before passing away on Saturday morning. He was only 61. Depending on how I am feeling about it at the moment, sometimes I feel very good about his passing, glad that he isn't in pain anymore and happy that he is with my Grandparents and our Heavenly Father. Other times I just lose it and completely break down. Every once in a while I can't figure out why my Uncle, who was one of the best men I've ever known, had to endure this terrible fate. I've been comforted a lot this week, armed with the knowledge of everlasting life and eternal families.

I have so many good things to say about my Uncle. He has led a very interesting life and has had so many hardships to deal with but never let them define him. He had such a strong testimony of the gospel. I am going to miss him very much and he will be missed by many many others.

Richard Wilson's Obituary

first post from our new house

Hello everyone, sorry I have been quiet. There have been a lot of things going on around here. Grace is in summer school so for the first part of summer I was working a bit later than usual and Forest was on a different schedule which caused him to work earlier so we were on very different schedules. Grace had two weeks off for the holidays and I had been working up to 50 hours a week! Forest is back on his normal schedule (thank goodness) and Grace starts school back up tomorrow so things should settle down just a bit...we hope.

We are almost moved out of our apartment, we just have two pieces of furniture left and we will be out for good. Things are shaping up here as well, we are slowly replacing things and trying to make things our own. I have a list a mile long of things I want to re-do or re-model but I have to take one thing at a time. Our master bathroom is currently in pieces due to a leak underneath our toilet. The warranty we have for the house paid for the least expensive part of the whole ordeal, but at least it paid for something. We have to have our entire floor replaced and our toilet is not usable until that happens. We want to replace almost the entire bathroom when we do the floor, so we may wait to do that for a little while. I had been feeling very overwhelmed with some of the issues we've found in the house but after spending several weeks here I am feeling much better. At first I kept thinking about the problems instead of the things that were going well. I am 25 years old and I just purchased my first home! I didn't stop to realize how incredibly lucky I am to say that at my age. So, taking one step at a time, we are fixing things and making things better.

I am so thankful to live across the street from the Wrights, without them I would have fallen into a heap of tears and depression 4 weeks ago. They have helped us in so many ways, I don't know if we will ever be able to repay them for their kindness. I may have to feed them for the next month to feel remotely even (and I'm sure they would appreciate that!)

I hope everyone is having a nice summer. Being married without children (especially in Texas), we don't always pay attention to what season it actually is. However, summer does mean more work for me, but my job requirements include swimming, trips to the mall and introducing the girls to the Star Wars Saga. I even have my own garage space. I live a charmed life, indeed.

last apartment bound

Well, we finally got the house today! There are a few issues that we couldn't see because furniture was in the way, but so far nothing major. Mostly just dirty walls that we are going to make sparkle with some magic erasers tomorrow. I am so thankful I have our neighbors Rebecca and John to help because tonight I would have gone nuts without them. We had to re vacuum the whole house because the woman we bought it from had her vacuum die on her earlier today. We had two vacuums going and got it done in no time. One huge bummer is that when Rebecca was vacuuming the master bathroom, she noticed that the front part of our tub was coming off. It smells like there might be some mold down there. It's just concrete underneath there so hopefully we can pull the front off and just replace it. It looks like the front board is what is the problem is. I'm completely freaking out though, as usual. It will all be ok, I just have to keep telling myself that. It will be, I know it.

We went over to Cassi and Bryce's apartment today for dinner, we thank them a million times for that. It got our minds off of the house for a bit and we didn't have to worry about making dinner tonight. It was such a huge help. It's so nice having another couple in our ward that are our age that we can spend time with, it's really fantastic. They are coming over to help us move tomorrow, so we can't thank them enough for helping us out.

It's already 11 and we have to get up early tomorrow. It's a big day, I've got to clean the walls, wait for the cable, electric and water to be turned on and get our washer and dryer installed. Forest has an interview at 11 (I know, perfect timing) and then everyone is coming over at 2 to help move. I am going to be dead tomorrow (I already feel kind of dead right now), I'm glad I have an easy job where I can hang out and relax. I hope Grace sits on my lap all day on Tuesday and laughs and smiles with me. That will make up for the crazy day I am going to have tomorrow!

8 days...

I can't help but feel this overwhelming thought of anxiousness. I am so nervous about moving. It's hard to believe we have owned this house for almost 6 weeks. It's oddly just been in the past few days that I have started to feel this way. A house is such a huge responsibility, one that I think we are more than ready to take on. I paid our first mortgage payment yesterday. By clicking that "submit" button (I love that I can pay my mortgage online!) it felt like I was moving into a completely different direction. What a great and satisfyingly decision it has been for us to purchase a home. Now comes the fun part, moving all of our stuff less than 1,000 feet to the southwest.

We have decided to move all of our big things on Monday the 16th. If anyone who reads this that is in the area can help at all that day (or send their husbands), we would appreciate it so much! We realize that it might interfere with work schedules, but otherwise we'd have to wait two weeks to move on a Saturday and we (or possibly just me) have no desire to wait any longer! As long as we can get those things that won't fit into our cars out of here, we will be happy campers and can possibly have more come on Saturday to help carry smaller less important things down with us. I noticed today that we have so many boxes, more than I thought we had. I am trying to make this as simple as possible for those kind brave souls who are going to come help us and so far, things are going pretty well. I've heard that most people who are moving a short distance tend to think they don't need to box things up, but anything that fits into a box has gone into a box. Our spare bedroom looks like we ripped off a delivery truck full of Dell Computers (Forest got the boxes from work). If anyone needs boxes in the near future, we'll have a ton!